Too many cliché blog/photo album/song titles have already been coined using the word "Fall," so instead of adding to them, I'll just use this as a title.

Fall is my favorite season for a number of reasons that I'm not going to write here, mostly because I have a long To-Do list (written on graph paper) and wet hair.

(Detour: I've been noticing that I have a huge problem with hiding behind excuses and with complaining. When I decide to write the "Things I'm Bad at Blog," being grateful and taking responsibility will be mentioned.)

But one of the reasons that I love it is that Fall always seems to have a soundtrack. I notice music more in the Fall: the combination of colors and sound seems more magical than during any other season. I feel like I should be taking a picture of everything, like every moment is too beautiful to not be captured; and therefore remember and re-lived.

But since I didn't take all of those pictures, I'm going to borrow them from Google. 

http://microscopiq.com/category/music/

Song: Barlights (http://ournameisfun.bandcamp.com/track/barlights) from about 2:25 onward. I love the feeling of looking at all that GOLD on the trees and hearing "And for the first time in a long time, I feel alive, I feel alive."

http://shadowmountainstudiosllc.com/contact_us

 

 

I feel like this, when listening to "Everything's Magic" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oM3ykGr6Nj4&ob=av2e) is self-explanatory. What's more magical than the sky looking like that?!

Okay, well maybe a lot of things, like babies being born or blueberry pancakes, but still, it's pretty magical.

This one's all mine. I took it from inside my car - it's VOLT, the lighting shop on Wall Street in Bend, Oregon.

And when I see glowing lights like that, I hear "Come Fly with Me" in my head, and then I sing it all day. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEFw0_iRE10)

http://www.nrichienews.com/2010_04_01_archive.html

And people dressed like this makes me hear that so-catchy-it's-upsetting Sugarland song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iDPw_qjhtM)... because to like someone even when they're bundled up like a goober means you really like them.

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And I realize that a lot of these things you can see any time, but I see them more in the Fall. Not that they occur more often - they're just more noticeable, they're more clear. They're more like scenes in an indie movie, complete with soundtrack.

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I also like Fall because it's an obvious, unmistakable, straightforward sign that life changes. It's proof that life has different seasons, it has transition periods. In order for people to ever grow or learn or become better versions of themselves, they have to change. They have to have transitions.

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The summer before my freshman year in high school, I went to a week-long camp. There were the customary bunk beds, the bad food, and the insane group games, but there was also a zip line. I remember being absolutely terrified, but I didn't really admit how scared I was. The kids who sucked it up and did it always came back so happy, and the kids who chickened out all walked around with a sheepish, downtrodden look on their face. I wanted to be one of the happy-looking people. So I climbed the ladder, and I put on the harness, and I sat on the edge, and my feet looked very small in comparison to the ground below them.

I jumped.

And I fell.

When you ride a zip line, there's a two second time period in which you are neither safely on the ledge or zipping through the air, you're just dropping. You're in transition from stability to going on an adventure, you're  waiting for the change. The pulley has not yet proved it's strength, the harness isn't yet tight around your waist.

You're falling.

Because when you're riding a zip line, or when you're living, you have to Fall in order for the change from sitting still to flying to happen. 

And right now, the whole town and I are falling, we are in Fall, we are waiting for the pulley to catch and the flight to start.

I don't want to write this.

But I hear that forcing yourself to do something that you know you need to do, even when you don't want to do it, is good for you. Like taking medicine, or jogging, or eating salad in winter.

My bratty, stubborn side thinks that's just a load of phooey, but I know my fellow blogger Matt Funk will probably kick my butt if I stop typing now.

So I won't.

My only excuses for not writing this is that I'm sleepy, it's cold, and I don't want to, because I don't have anything to say.

But everyone that knows me at all knows I always have something to say. Sometimes it's not verbal, I just express my thoughts with my scary right eyebrow, or a smirk, or my skeptical face, or my super intimidating grumpy face. Once in a while, I smile. I can also be fairly expressive with sighs, "psshhhh" 's, obnoxious scoffing sounds, and snorts.

And it's almost nice to have people that can translate my odd noises, or call me out on things, but it's also kind of a pain. Like a lot of things in life are.

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I used to always think that 19 year old's knew everything. From my blonde-pigtailed-jumper-clothed-little-kid self, I looked up at them in awe, sincerely believing that they had finally received the keys to the Lamborghini of life. They had it together, with a career all picked out, an identity settled upon, a confidence that never wavered, a height that was actually fitting for a 19 year old, a clear direction in which they were headed.

I'm starting to think now that there's a distinct possibility that the girl in the jumper was wrong.

But I also think that the girl I am today, the 19 year old, the one in the old jeans and oversized sweater, is okay with not knowing everything. Maybe I'm even okay with not knowing anything.

Because the more you don't know, the more you have to find out, the more excuses you have to go on crazy adventures or do stupid things or take risks or ask tons of questions to find things out.

And I would rather live my life trying to find things out than carry around a huge book of things I already know.

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 I think the biggest influence on my life philosophy, including everything I've already written about, is my mental image of God.

And I'm sure I just lost some of you, you're thinking "Dang it Jazmin, who do you think you are, a Southern Baptist preacher or something!?!?"

Even though that might be cool, I am not a Southern preacher.

The only reason I have for bringing this up is that I'm talking about myself, and without Him being who He is, I wouldn't be me, and so He has to come into the conversation eventually.

When I think of God, I think of a master artist and a master storyteller and a master shepherd, who is always out to make things whole and beautiful. He is poetic, He is faithful, He is gentle. But I also picture Him saying things like "Dude, I got this, just watch and see!"

And that enables me to know that for everything I trip over in life, everything I wonder about and worry about, everything that I find stressful or irritating, everything I don't understand and want to know about, God is right there with me in it, saying "Watch."  


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 So that's what I said when I thought I didn't have anything to say.

Psh, sucker.

This is one of my new favorite songs.

http://ournameisfun.bandcamp.com/track/the-gambler (listen there)

(and read here)

Slow down,
we've got time left to be lazy
All the kids have bloomed from babies into flowers in our eyes.
We've got 50 good years left to spend out in the garden
I don't care to beg your pardon,
We should live until we die.

We were barely 18 when we'd crossed collective hearts.
It was cold, but it got warm when you'd barely crossed my eye.
and then you turned, put out your hand,
and you asked me to dance.
I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight.

I swear when I grow up, I won't just buy you a rose.
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely.
Even if the sun stops waking up over the fields
I will not leave, I will not leave 'til it's our time.
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side.

It was the winter of '86, and all the fields had frozen over.
So we moved to Arizona to save our only son
and now he's turning to a man, although he thinks just like his mother,
he believes we're all just lovers he sees hope in everyone.

And even though she moved away,
we always get calls from our daughter.
She has eyes just like her father's
they are blue when skies are grey.
And just like him, she never stops,
Never takes the day for granted,
works for everything that's handed to her,
Never once complains.

You think that I nearly lost you
When the doctors tried to take you away.
But like the night you took my hand beside the fire
30 years ago to this day
You swore you'd be here 'til we decide that it's our time
Well it's not time, you've never quit in all your life.
So just take my hand, you know that I'll never leave your side.
You're the love of my life, you know that I'll never leave your side.

You come home from work and you kiss me on the eye
You curse the dogs and say that I should never feed them what is ours
So we move out to the garden, look at everything we've grown
and the kids are coming home
I'll set the table
You can make the fire.

 I'm a sucker for songs like this. Actually, come to think of it, there are a lot of things I'm a sucker for. Children. Good coffee. Cardigans. Miniature things. Notes. Indie films. Scones. Tupperware. Anything sentimental.

And straightforward-ness. I have a heart of stone when it comes to begging, pleading, sniveling, groveling, puppy eyes, whimpering, kneeling, bribing, and crying. But a well reasoned, logical, direct and to-the-point argument gets me every time. If you have a good reason for something I have a very, very hard time resisting you, even if I don't agree.

Just saying.

Hmmm, what else... I'm a sucker for compliments that don't have anything to do with Taylor Swift or being blonde. Math. Little black dresses (I think I have seven...). Tea cups. Sunsets. Light, reflections, and shadows. Beanies. People who make eye contact. Art. Crayons.